Darkness. I looked around and could see only darkness. The wind continued to blow, cold and biting, so I knew it was only in my head. Biting. The word seemed so fitting for the moment. The world had a tendency to bite, didn’t it? Funny, as much as being the King of my own kingdom didn’t change that. A night of sleep in my soft bed couldn’t abate this feeling. I had woken early, fending the shadows of morning off just barely enough to get out of bed. How could she?? Stepping out onto the battlements, feeling the icy winter’s breath on my face cooled my headache, but did little to push back the dread and bewilderment. Is anything real? What am I even doing in life? I ran my fingers over the crenelations in the stone walls. Standing above the land, and behind these grand blocks of stone kept me from the pain. Or so you thought, fool.
I looked out over the holdings I could see from my vantage point. The river cutting through the earth to the southwest, churning with it’s haste to reach the destination. Ironically, the battering seas, do you begin to see? Comfort. That’s where my life meant something before. In days past. I had been upended by her betrayal.
To find that an acquaintance was naught but smoke and mirrors, that could be handled easily enough. Banishment. This woman, however flawed and however distant, moving around far reaches of the castle, had gained a place at the table. Comfort and counsel were in her laugh. When she came around (chose to, that is), lights brightened, the air felt warmer…more, home. No more. You should have known, pushed her away. You should have exiled her.
I shook my head, trying to dispel the thoughts, break away from the feeling of painful euphoria. The stone beneath my hands and the fittingly icy winds reminded me I wasn’t dreaming. I would take the day away from Royal Appointments, away from the throne room. Today is a day to regroup. The people, my people…rely on me. They look to me for leadership and advice, they turn to me when they are in doubt. Now I am the one in doubt – that is no good for anyone.
A day. That’s what I need. To be angry. To be hurt. To scream out my kingly fury on a page if need be. I’ve learned now. Or have you? Have you truly learned? To what….trust yourself? You just let a witch hold you captive for 4 years. Can you trust you?
It was a good question. As I backed into my rooms, looking out at the sun, I could still only see the shadows, the darkness. Who could I trust?
The Pen is Mightier.. 