What is a year?

Geez, a year goes fast.  As I sit here in wonderment about all that I’ve seen in the last 377 days, I’m quite amazed at it all.  378 days ago, I took my last drink.  I was facing possible incarceration and a whole slew of negative things.  Fines, restrictions, court dates, penalties and did I mention more fees?  I’d like to tell you that I sprung back without a glitch.  I’d like to tell you that I stood strong in the storm, that I survived by sheer force of my will.  This would be untrue, and immodest of me to claim.

377 days ago, after that last night when I couldn’t finish my beer out of guilt, I knelt beside my bed.  I had had enough.  And in that night of praying, one word rang clear.  Obedience.  “Be still, Tony.  I am God.”(Improvised Psalm 46:10)  I’m not even close to perfect, but what I can tell you is this.  He’s right.  In everything, and through everything, saying Yes to Jesus and no to my own desires has led me in a direction even I couldn’t fathom after 13 years in the drink.  Sobriety.  I worked 2 jobs, paid for a lawyer, paid all my dues, and in the end this has turned into a $10k lesson.  One I couldn’t afford on my own…but hey that’s what Philippians 4:19 reminds me.

The clarity of mind, the peace in my heart, it has come through much pain – much MUCH personal sacrifice – and hard work.  I laid down the beer, and picked up the bible.  Laid down the fear, and picked up the worship.  And now, as I consider the year behind, I consider it with joy.  It took a bad situation (that could have been much worse) to open my eyes to where my life was going.  I lived in the far lands as the prodigal son did, and when the famine hit and my life would end up in shambles…It was full sprint back home to my Father.

I am never leaving again.  Through grace, I have gotten my unrestricted license back, “normal person” plates back on my car and interlock removed.  Even more than that, I was able to pay off my fines today, a mere 6 months after sentencing.  And it has nothing to do with me, other than my willingness to go where God led me.  I’ve effectively read the Old Testament twice, and in 68 days I’ll have finished the first full reading (cover to cover) I’ve ever done from start to finish.

Looking to the near future, I am excited that my church, Berean Baptist, is beginning an initiative called REACH.  It is my hope that I can be a part of that, and in-so-doing, find a new fire.  Blaming my school debt for keeping me away from where the Lord would send me is a thing of the past.  I will move forward, unhindered.  Undiminished. Unashamed.

What’s in a year?  Triumph.  Victory.  Joy.  Yes, I had a massive uphill fight, but looking back now it was all worth it.  Freedom is in love, forgiveness and compassion.  Being slave to the negative things in life just stinks, so I choose not to be.  I choose to win, and win humbly.  I choose to live and laugh.

It is my sincere hope that if you are in the position I was a year ago, you can find hope in these meager words.  If you are alive, it is not over.  While there is breath in your lungs, you can find hope.  If things are dark, don’t sit in the darkness.  Jesus Christ is [yes, is] the Light of the World (John 8:13).  He came so that those in darkness would not have to walk in darkness, but have light.  His love, stretched out on the cross, extends through time…across all divides, to bring you life.  Ever-lasting, unchanging, bold, UNSURPASSED life.

Pain ends.  Sadness ends.  His word, his plan to redeem us NEVER ends (Matthew 28:20).  His plan to give us a bountiful life never ends.  If you feel broken, shattered, at the end of yourself…You are.  Don’t fear, that’s where you should be!  God longs for you to allow him to take the shattered pieces of you and make them beautiful, radiant, shining in His splendor.  When you find that place as I did so many years ago, you’ll find it involves a pair of knees and a contrite heart.  Tell Him who you are (yes, He knows), tell him what you’ve done (yes, He knows this too), and ask Him to make you whole.  After all, that’s why he gave his Son to us.  We couldn’t do it.  We wouldn’t do it.  So he did it for us.  It is Finished. (John 19:30)

I love you.  With more passion and more fervor than I can type into this sentence, I love you.  I’m typing really hard right now, does that help?  Anyways I bring all of this to you in Jesus Christ.  Unapologetic.  Uncompromising.  Stronger than all.  Servant of all.